FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
