And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just high enough for therapy.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
