He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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