Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
