I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
