Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
