Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
