Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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