you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
