Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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