I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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