drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
whose parrot is this?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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