dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
