also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You need Xanax blowdarts
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
