I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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