I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
