Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
