I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
