you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
