I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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