but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
