I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
