If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
