Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
