As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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