I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
nutella sex= disaster
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
