Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize