You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
