dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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