She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
