he puts the penis in happiness.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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