No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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