16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize