i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
