I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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