So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
