just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
do herpes really smell.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize