My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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