just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
