My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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