so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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