im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
