I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
