So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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