Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
