she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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