I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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