I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
