i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
