I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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