oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
