I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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