that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
