He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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