yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
