what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i believe in u and ur pee
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