Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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