I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
