I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
