i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize