Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
