Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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