last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
