I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
