My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
