Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
