Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
