There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
