you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
zippers are such a cool invention
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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