dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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