dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
